What, are they looking to trade in their Can-Am trikes?

That may have been true back in the last millennium, when they actually made things fresh instead of trucking it all in. Tim Hortons used to make whole neighbourhoods smell like donuts. It was great. Now they just make neighbourhoods smell like drive thru car exhaust because morons can’t figure out how to make…

Loophole: Coffee soup.

Looks like BYU’s looking for more of that sweet, sweet, non-Mormon double-price tuition.

a) no

Being born into wealth and managing by sheer luck to retain it despite highly questionable decision-making is not “success,” Donald.

It is still possible. How do I know this? Because Blazing Saddles itself is still in print on home video and airs on cable TV plenty. Have Mel Brooks’ royalty checks stopped rolling in? No. Blazing Saddles probably makes more money for him now than it did in 1974. And that’s despite it not even really being all…

Mel Brooks is a man who made three funny movies forty years ago. You can probably stop sucking it.

“But having to cater to everyone’s personal feelings and being forced to adopt them or be called bigoted is where I have a major problem.”

Old man wrong about modern world. Film at eleven.

I think you’ll find that’s true of most 20-year-old women.

You know how you’re supposed to get to the airport three hours early for an international flight? That’s how Dean Koontz sells books. Airport book stores only ever carry half a dozen authors, some of whom are known entities (King, Grisham, Clancy). The rest sell because you’re not in the mood for horror or lawyers…

Did you forget The Stuff?

Great Gizmodo article, A.V. Club!

I don’t think you’re ready for this, Shkreli.

“Dog With A Semi”

What’s this about punt-kickers?

“It was never intended to pass.”

Ugh. What is it with this crappy Kinja interface constantly recommending all these old stories from twenty years ago? It’s not the nineties anymore, Kinja! No one cares about Neil Gaiman and The Simpsons!

...okay, so, I just checked. That chunk of the Act hasn’t changed since it was added in 1960. The maximum penalty is either a year in prison (yeah, right) or a whopping $10,000 fine. Yes, you read that right. Ten thousand dollars, maximum. And that’s only if you’re caught and convicted. Hell, it’d probably cost the…