fwiw “curl up like a shrimp” is 100 times funnier

I think you’re wrong. Jezebel is the only place on the internet where atheists make misguided anti-religion comments at COMPLETELY THE WRONG TIME. Whenever there’s a news story about a grieving family that’s lost a loved one, and they invoke their faith in their public statements, Jezebel is for sure, absolutely, NO…

Has it begun already? Where Jezzies start calling you a bigot for going to church, even though they have no idea what the fuck the values of your congregation are?

Nick Denton, duh.

also omfg that dr ruth tweet

Can I ask what Donald’s end game is? He will never, ever become POTUS. Ever. Like, there is no chance. With all of his money, he can surely hire the most mediocre political analysis undergrad 20 year old from a third tier school, with the most conservative leanings, that will still tell him “No, never in a million…

The other day at work, like seriously two days ago, I introduced a group of my non-English speaking Chinese dude-co-workers to the Real Housewives of Atlanta on the TV at work. They all liked NeNe because she was so fucking expressive visually that they could understand her and they thought she was hilarious.

Aw, baby! What would your ideal wingman do for you after they were like, “cute dude’s flirting with you?”

YAAAAASSSSS. I worked at a WWII soda fountain in a museum, and we always had the colonel come in every Monday. The stoned as shit line cooks would always fuck up his fucking simple-ass meal. But! I was in charge of the egg cream and I made it perfectly. His bill would only come out to like 8 bucks, but this 90 year…

(So yes, it sucks that you got shitty service, but it sounds more like the server in your situation was dealing with bad cooks and was freaking out about it. I’m not saying you should have given them a great tip for berating you, I just want to get out that there are a billion reasons why your server might have been…

The best server I ever knew flipped their shit like that at a customer once. It was because the restaurant was so slow, the chef was out so the brigade was high as shit, slow as shit, and not putting out standard food, and the server had one table in five hours of work.

I will never forget Caity Weaver’s headline for this when the story first broke.

Can I say I love the last half of your comment? There are times when I’m 95% sure that my server is just a horrible douchebag, like the literal worst person who should NOT be serving. They still get 20% from me, because MAYBE things were out of control for them somehow (but nah brah, I see your girlfriend is sitting…

Yup, and your point about having to stand-in for host/manager/dishwasher/linecook is super valid. It happens to servers ALL OF THE TIME when they’re expected to do non-tipped work for tipped wages.

Thank you. There are a million reasons why service can go badly for you that have NOTHING to do with a server.

LOL you sound like me. If I have a customer show me that I’ve left a beer off their bill, our management has a “give it to them for free if you know them/they are regulars and they tip you well” policy. We get to make that call ourselves. So if I don’t know a customer but they’ve made my night infinitely better by…

My old chef told me that the reason olds did that was because of dentures. Is there any truth to it tho?

Worry not, I’m pretty cool with Angie!

“Do you think Kate asked Angelina about that time she wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck?”

I got the finger the other night. I was at least 60 feet behind the dude who was going 30 when he should have been going 40.