It's a moral imperative.

I thought Canadian zoning laws required seasonal ice rinks if enough space was available. Someone should drown this asshat in imitation maple syrup.

Bubblegum taco.

The entire video I was saying: C'mon,

I always called it "Being hit by a car". No wonder people looked at me weird when I order a drink at a restaurant. At least I'm not as bad as those "Lolly water" or "Pop" savages.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You are my father, Prepare to die.

It tastes like ruined ramen noodles, because that's what it does. It ruins ramen noodles and everything else it touches. Maybe ramen noodles are terrible to begin with. One could make that argument, and I would nod appreciatively. Taking something so mediocre and adding shitty chili sauce only exacerbates the…

I just laughed my ass off on the counter at work after seeing Spaceballs III. Customers must think the paint fumes are getting to me.

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

My roommate was watching this when I came home last night and I saw: A hug, a fight, and hand holding in half of one episode. It must have been the most racy episode in the entire run of the show.

(*I'm sure it violates many city ordinances, but what if we could install a minibar IN the backseat of a cab? I would gladly pay $10 while shitfaced to yank a bottle of shitty Coors Light out of the back of a cab and then hurl insults at the driver for taking the slow way.)

Thank you, I'll be saving money by not eating lunch today.

"Shadow of Boston" is three words.

When I heard they added pools, I expected this article. Well done, sir.

Worst part was when the groom's man threw his beer. I don't care what happens, never throw a beer!

Being Hit By A Car issue #1 on sale now! The greatest superhero since Superman comes out with his own exclusive genre spanning comic book. Excelsior!

Just got a new PS3 (after a final and complete YLOD) and this was the first game I loaded up. Not GTA V, not Skyrim, not New Vegas, not anything other than Fallout 3. After losing all my saved games, this was the most important to me to play through again.

I'll take some three penis wine, please.

The only thing better than the "As you wish" line would be Falk saying "just one more thing" before handing you the tip.

No Banana!? Elvis is rolling over in his cryogenic freezer aboard the alien mothership!