Hi, welcome to Deadspin. Would you like to hear a dick joke?

Last night’s megatrade 

Fantastic Four is stupid. They were stupid when I was a kid. No one goes to their movies because they are stupid, and made worse with stupid scripts. In the spirit of Regina George, stop trying to make Fanastic Four happen! It’s not going to happen!

Boooooo

What a bunch of morans!

St. Louis was founded in 1794. Your move Winnipeg Director of Community Communications (once your wifi kicks back on)

Pretty sure the Arch in St. Louis is the Gateway To The West. Winnipeg should learn how to claim that title The Right Way.

I run marathons and love them, but I’ll be damned if I’m witholding a star from anyone who rightly declares that autoracing is not a sport

Well thanks! Same to you!

To not get divorced again, again. Also, to make it out of the greys. Getting out of the grey comments would be pretty cool too, or whatever.

Dak Prescott was exposed this year. Derek Carr may very well have peaked early a la Stafford’s 5k yard season. Jimmy is from EIU, capital of grit country (and meth use)

Spoken like a true Bengals fan. Take your pineapple pizza and go home, because with that mindset the only home run you will ever hit is on MLB The Show

Bumping your reply and starring because facts rule, no matter what the catholic church (intentionally lower case c) says

Wrong! SAD! #badbot

Bonilla got injured The Right Way

You comment too much to be a medical doctor. I say that as a compliment, what with my near-bachelors from a directional midwest state school and all. Actually, what I’m saying is that I’m Deadspin’s target demographic and you are showing off. So whatever, dude.

Pre-Barbaro vintage Deadspin right here folks

But Reggie Bush doesn’t have a vote and that’s what matters, that daggum cheater! He was such a jerk for taking care of his parents and earning them have a decent cookie-cutter subdivision suburban home from his toils that subjected him to brain damage and various physical ailments that will surely impair him before…

As a Bears fan, you can go ahead and circle Week 16 on your fantasy calendars for the day Garret gets 62 sacks to lead Hue Jackson keeping his job with 18 FF, 12FR, 3TD and 7 return TDs to drive your D/ST to the ‘Ship
#joshgarden