Q: What do we do now that we have all of our rotten eggs in one basket?

Which room would you rather be in: A bedroom shared with 10 spiders or a kitchen shared with 10 mosquitoes?

Umm, normally this guy sues people when he’s clearly wrong. Is this situation so bad that even he is afraid to bring it before a judge?

McCoy and Aukerman also seem to have sent Rambo on a locker-room apology tour, where he was reportedly protested, spat upon, and called a baby killer.

Part of the problem is that we still equate socialism with Anti-Americanism. Somehow, a devil from Wisconsin convinced a bunch of morons that the two concepts are mutually exclusive, and we’ve been following it as dogma for the last 70 years or so. Maybe we’d start voting for our own interests if we didn’t feel so…

Pssh. Trump hasn’t worn a condom since 1989.

Things I know about Paul Ryan:

Thus proving my long-held theory that they key to any journalist’s heart is through their liver.

Thanks Candidates! That was very informative. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to spray my brains onto my bare white walls into a pattern of the American Flag.

Tic Tac won’t renounce Donald Trump because those who live in glass houses don’t cast stones:

Dude, you can think all you want in this situation, but to actually speak it...

I’ll take “Strange Hill to Die On” for $800, Alex.

Actually, I just kind of make it up as a go along.

Trump is like:

The only way to stop a bad guy with a clown costume is with a good guy with a clown costume.

Good. Drudge and his ilk can stay. There should be a decent sale on floaties this time of year.

Damnit. I’ll get better, I promise!

In Ireland, head on head violence is reserved for when the barkeep fails to properly pour the Guinness.