Oh hai, pretty lil spider you are so pretty and OH MY WORD HOW BIG IS THAT SPIDER AAAAARRRRRRGH

I... They...Buh?

If it were nearly anyone but Tom Cruise, I’d be right there with you. 

Umm no they’re super cool because they’re into weed and porn. Just ask them.

Celebrities stop adapting and evolving right when they get famous so Tom’s knowledge of anything modern is stuck in 1986.

Tom throws off the chains, and goes and finds his own online erotica.

“During an appearance on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert on Monday, Judd Apatow enlightened and entertained viewers with the tale of how Seth Rogen once allegedly had to convince Cruise that internet porn indeed is real. Also, people use it.”

‘I don’t know how it came up, but it usually comes up with Seth where he starts talking about marijuana and pornography.’

I believe you, but once in college I had to explain to a friend that porn was people actually having sex with one another, not just pretending, which she thought wasn’t how it worked, because, “That’s illegal!”

It makes me incredibly sad that any fourteen year old feels the need to put out an official statement about their very confused emotional life. 

Tom Cruise has been in a bubble since before the internet.

Based on the possibly unhealthy number of stories/reporting I’ve read about Scientology and their stance on the Internet, I ABSOLUTELY believe that their most strongly-cocooned and most famous spokesmodel had NO IDEA there was porn on there.

I love Nicole Kidman’s Australian calmness about that giant-ass spider while her children shriek in the background.

See?! Nicole Kidman is a floppity jillionaire and even she can’t prevent fucking tarantulas from being inside her house in (presumably) the deathscape that is Australia. Fuck right off with that noise, mate.

Yeah, Bigfoot stuff is old school nowadays. Positively quaint by comparison. I have even seen plant erotica (sentient vines, etc.).

you’re spending an inordinate amount of time defending a fetish from an off-hand internet comment.

And the gay porn version, “Sass-quatch.”

These people are one step away from beasitality, like those Furry weirdos. We need to shut this down now, America!

Assquatch.