Better luck next time, big guy.

The 4th meal is the one that'll get you in trouble.

"This guy sounds like a sheep in wolf's clothing." - Wolf Blitzer

There's a Pizza Hut in Goose Creek, SC that has - I kid you not - a full bar. From what I hear, they do steady business.

Matching outfits supplied by "Lil' Mormons."

Yes! +1, Edward.

Agent: "So Adam, you've committed a shit ton of crimes, but you're basically just going to do probation and sit out a bunch of games."

Eazy E is dead too. They're both dead. That was the joke.

The Loneliness of the Middle (Distance) Linebacker, by Cory Gardner

All of these seem like potential titles to REO Speedwagon songs.

You don't see Nate Dogg or Eazy E getting into stupid he said/she said shit like this.

These guys are the bottom of the barrel. A real bunch of assholes.

No sane person would store their bowls or plates upside down. Glasses don't get a free pass.

It's like Vanilla Ice and Snow adopted an adult male and put him to work at the 7-11 in Baltimore.

I'd like to see John Stamos or George Stephanopoulos try to make that catch.

How quickly I'd forgotten about Sean Newell. Good luck at Vice, you flapjack flipping flap-ass.

You're absolutely right, and I misjudged my fellow commenters by sticking with the cover version. Props to Cub and you!

"'Cause everyone's your friend, in Kansas City, and everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty. The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see. But the best thing about Kansas City is...you and me." - They Might (not) Be Giants

"Ungrateful little bastard." - Sandusky, J.

"That sounds like the WWF."