Having inevitably walked out on or near the same carpet he tripped over, I've got to give it to the tuxedoed ice skater for maintaining his composure.

So it's going to be just like my Babe Ruth League baseball jersey from 1993? We were sponsored by the local Saturn dealership.

I'm not convinced he'd go anywhere, but - at a minimum - he'll attract some attention and work out an even bigger raise from MSU. That said, Dan Mullen to LSU would be fun for the SEC West (kind of like when Tommy Tubberville left Ole Miss for Auburn). Give Auburn's current OC (Rhett Lashlee) 3-5 more years and I…

Meanwhile, in a quiet corner of Starkville, Dan Mullen is preparing a "I'll never leave State" speech and texting his agent.

That seems like an appropriate decision. Next, I'd like to see the schools offering scholarship money to the perps rescind their offers.

Yep, staying "on" college as long as he could. At least until college quit fighting, or just blacked out.

So, there's a chance that Winston may be forced to go pro early? Nothing says justice like turning a 20 year old into a millionaire.

Stanford's serious about this black-out.

BREAKING: NFL responds by suspending all security from stadiums indefinitely.

Listen, all I know is that Darius Rucker killed whatever vestiges of royalty were left at Burger King with that goddamn Tender Crisp song.

"Drink your juice, Shelby." - M'Lynn

If he really loved the Patriots, he would've included the chin strap.

To be fair to Velasquez, he had just asked "what's the capital of Thailand?"

Just the hazards of wearing shorts, I guess.

One of my favorite gimmicks was when colleges (notably Arkansas, Notre Dame, and South Carolina) would hire Lou Holtz.

I think I would've been inclined to kick it through the uprights, just for laughs.

If this attorney can only dispel the idea that Gators wear jorts, he will be the fucking Ben Matlock of Florida.

Much more of this and TWC News Austin is going to find itself in a sticky situation.

The boys from Stryper approve:

Not a whole lot I can add to this: