Welcome to Atlanta/where the racist team owners take leaves of absence/and we ride on them things like every day.

Thanks a lot, Ray.

So the NFL is claiming Ray Rice wasn't honest with them, which we should then accept as their reason for not being honest with us? Makes sense.

My bad, guys. When I mentioned idiots and assholes, I didn't realize I was talking about you specifically.

Answer: Roger Goodell

Uh...I always hate spelling these kinds of things out, but my comment was on the overall dumbing down of society. The fact that we have fellow citizens so blindly loyal to something as small as a football player (because he posed for a picture or signed some autographs or seems sweet) who beat his wife's ass is…

This just proves what I've been saying all along: the boxed stuff is the best stuff.

Listen, the terrorists don't hate America because of our freedom or economic policies or the fact that women wear bikinis at the beach. They hate us because of assholes just like this.

I'm just glad to know Zelda Rubinstein found work after Sixteen Candles.

"...and, and, no doubt he'll, he'll be...transported...and...taken...to a facility, and..."

Just what we need: Sandusky 2.0.

Nice delivery. That man's got soul.

"...and aspiring infringers have even more to worry about at night."

Same reason so many men still grow the small, rectangular mustache.

Just when you think these guys have put down their shovels, they're right back at it. By all means, gentlemen, keep digging.

As it turns out, Bill Polian is my grandmother.

And I'm afraid if we knew the score equally well, we'd be tempted to make the same decision he did in February of 2005.

With technical advice coming from a fellow named Zuckerberg, perhaps.

ch-ch-ch-changes...

"Get the fuck away from me, Roger." - Jessica Rabbit