Uh-oh. Curveballs in those rules, too?

As reported by witnesses (including a police officer) in the police report, he hit a car carrying a pregnant woman, ran away, came back to grab some cash, which he stuffed in his pants, and ran away again, leaving behind a filled marijuana pipe and a pregnant woman with a broken arm.

That’s exactly what he’s equipped for. But I don’t want to see it.

Suppose he can serve a 6-month sentence in 6 days?

Even after returning to the scene of his courageous assault on a pregnant woman in order to scrape his said shit together, Jones still managed to leave contraband behind as he went bravely skipping off into the night for the second time.

According to Vegas, the odds of Jon Jones getting his shit together are about the same as:

I can see your point. I don’t know where the Bush vs. Legit-strategy/execution line can be drawn except by resort to the rulebook, though.

Good point. Fake throws are not the same as hidden balls.

How about a variation on the enormous dong theme, for God’s sake.

Geezus. That is a really sad thought. Guess we’re pretty well screwed, eh.

Here are a few lesser renditions. Still touching:

A+ Thanks so much for sharing. God bless you.

I think I need some more information to answer that question.

Careful, here. Are you sure it was Dunkin’ Donuts that remotely caused the crap in your drawers? Or could it have been the herd of cops buzzing around?

The two of you derelicts have some great stuff out there today.

Well, congratulations, Leslie.

That’s an idea. How about filling your moat with alligators?

Good start, but better add

Well, no doubt cheaper is better.

Damn. Joke’s on us. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us Tom Brady sucks.