Fuck this shit.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

How’d you get a picture of Kershaw through Vin Scully’s eyes?

That’s a bullshit way to break up a no-hitter. 

When asked how this could have happened, Godwin noted that there was no sense in looking back.

The NFL should just employ some Precogs to see when these players will commit crimes, then just sign those players to shorter contracts.

I cried. I didn’t know golf could make me cry.

The irony is that Markakis thought owning all those guns would make him a safe cracker.

Guys like this would save us all a lot of time if they stopped using “antithesis” and went with the probably more accurate “photo negative”.

Izzo: “What the fuck are you doing! You’re plodding around out there like fucking Frankenstein!”

The thing is, you can regain your swagger playing Chinese basketball, but you lose all your confidence again an hour later.

“To the death?”

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

“So bye bye Let’s Remember Some Guys”

He was initially charged with reckless driving but after review it was determined the guy wasn’t set and the call was reversed. 

Sadder yet is that he will likely be fucked out of a huge payday thanks to his age and free agency rules.

Could the Raptors flip him?

Somewhere Alex Jones is nodding vigorously as he removes his shirt. However, that’s not related to this story.