Interestingly enough, if you pay for the first Uber, they give you enough free booze to get you drunk. It’s the world’s least-profitable loop.

It was for a shitty Mazda 3 too. But I was 23 and it was "my first new car" so only the tears of Zeus could be used to lubricate it.

Z’s are fine until you test-drive a Corvette. Then you realize they’re not fine.

Couple dealership mechanics stories:

The Eagles are interested.

This is an example of the ol’ famous fine, yet oh-so-important line of writers that know how to write humorously, and punters that try to write humorously and just don’t do well at it.

My gal has a 2012 EX. It’s fine. Hell, I had a 98 coupe DX with 105hp and it was fine (although they were like 2300lbs back then). Does your wife think it’s weak and anemic? She probably thinks it’s fine (along with the tons of people that buy them). Hell, the 2012 and the Fit my prior girlfriend (obviously I only…

Patrick Bateman doesn’t run people over that are acting crazy and wielding chainsaws. You don’t know how this works, do you??

When you’re talking about a base Fit or a Civic for your wife, I don’t get why having a 1.5L turbo is a gamechanger vs. whatever plodding 1.8-2.0L NA they put in them now. It’s going to pretty much be the same car, right?

Welllllllllll.....I mean, we’re not saying it’s coming TOMORROW....

And the same old song and dance on the opposite side is true...there’s a handful of “jalops” that are saying Honda doesn’t make anything that interests them, and yet, they are still selling enough Accords and CR-Vs and Civics and Fits and TLs and etc that shows that making cars for people who don’t care about cars is…

You’re not a wizard?? What are they paying you for?!?

How do I make it such that people at parties ask me about dogs vs. ask me about work?

Look at the simplicity of the forms, the evenness of the curves, the glimpses of mechanical guts beneath the painted skin, the marring and etching in the paint that could be easily polished out.

Marion Gaborik’s tying goal in Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals last year against the Blackened Hawks.

Not to apologize for "Bufflin" here, but there is a mindset in hockey of being very protective of your goaltender. If you think the "rules" in the NFL are geared towards being overly protective of the quarterback, it's similar to that but the "code" is left to the hands of the players.

Check if you're ok? For me the first step before checking for bodily harm is:

1) IMMEDIATELY exit and run from your car and track down any witnesses as if you were Jason and this were Crystal Lake and the calendar happened to be on a very specific date. Force them down and make them stay and give an account, because…

Some girls rubbed me the wrong way once.


And I will never forgive society for it.

It'll be fun, they said. There's barely any walls, they said.

Doom is cool.


Doom 2 is 10x as cool.