Ex-girlfriend. You guys, it's obvious this was Guy from Final Fight.

Yes, but while you were dry-humping the chairs, were you also making "wank it" motions?

I was going to say something like an Impala, but this is even better.

What is "Orlove's anus"?

Jalopnik for $800, please.

Men: God! Leave me alone! I don't even see why you're messaging me! Unless you want to talk about that one story on Jezebel or want to apologize for living an entire life of not treating women well enough & bear the responsibility of the actions of all generations of men before you and spend the rest of your life…

As a hockey goalie, I used to have nightmares and wake up in cold sweats where I was a soccer goalie. Fuck having to protect that thing. It's like the size of a trailer home.

All I know about Tinder is what Kinja has told me - namely, girls are championed for saying they fucked famous athletes, yet guys can't ask for a hookup and they most certainly cannot say "Howdy" to a girl.

If a big ad campaign hasn't started yet, I'd hate to see what it looks like when it does. I've been swimming in "Want a Civic? Buy a truck instead!" commercials for weeks and weeks.

Guys, it's not even domestic violence. I don't see what you're getting so upset about.

I feel like this is a post every three days or so on Kotaku.

Tom Brady single-handedly won me as many championships as I wanted in my first fantasy football keeper league. I had inherited a team from some guy that apparently been a perennial loser, and it was full of these football no-names like "Tom Brady" and "Priest Holmes".

Holmes burned out quickly, but for a number of…

Obviously, if you can find a GT-S (and for a reasonable price), that's even better provided fuel econ isn't a huge concern (and I suppose there were a couple black eyes on a couple years of the 2ZZ, I believe - lift bolts being one). I don't know if sales data backs it up but it seems like the # on the road has…

Great fuel economy, rock-solid reliability, and relatively "fun to drive" - last-gen Celica. These were like 2400lbs curb weight. Solid transmissions both auto and manual. The 1ZZ does burn oil, but nothing catastrophic. Can be had for the price of a Civic when I'd say having owned both, it's better than an RSX at…

The struggles to find drama in the world of golf are real.

(This coming from a guy that always wears pants on the local munis, even when it's 100*F out. Not practicing to be a pro...I just don't like shorts for some reason).

I just wish we could have ALL the choices - ex, 3-door hot hatch.

"Sir, all of the noises your car is making are just "Subaru unequal-length header noises". The kids generally love those noises. Please love those noises and leave us alone."

But according to the 19-year-old kid we took on a hockey tournament trip once, "washing your dick off" is sure to PREVENT any sort of infection that you might get from banging a stripper without protection.

Hey guys, we're totally progressing in this "investigation". Here, take a new crumble of information as news to satiate you for now. We'll be sure to let you guys all know the results of our full investigation sometime in March, when nobody cares about football.

Not true. It sounds impossible and evidently, people finish it.