I don’t care for Madonna’s whole aesthetic currently, but comparing woman and how they are aging is gross.

In fairness, very few people fare well in comparisons with Susanna Hoffs, be they 64 or 34. She could play the love interest of (fellow ageless vampire) Paul Rudd, who is a decade her junior, and few would notice.

*sophomore, meaning second, not sophomoric, meaning juvenile.

Trouble’s a bruin

Yeah, sometimes the old “it’s a fate I wouldn’t even wish on [blank]” is just not true.

But she’s a terrible actress. 

I hope he gets cancer like NOW, spends months in treatment, years recovering from it, only for it to return once every few years and kill him off after 20 years. I want him to spend 20 years feeling miserable and sick, withering away awaiting death. (Why, yes, I have had loved ones die of cancer. Why do you ask?)

Since 1/2 the list can be co-opted for La Raza, let me give you another.

The RC Cola of Christmas gifts.

Since the feel-good Suri piece obviously sets out to show support for a a young girl using her mini-celebrity for good, and (properly) distinguishes her narrative from that of her lineage - that is, the article is trying to be nice to Suri, right? So, if you’re trying to be nice, nice/supportive/’awesome job Suri suppo…

Yes! I have a big head theory. I have seen Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Ice Cube in person and spent a semester sitting behind Sean Astin in an English lit class. They all had unbelievably big heads. My theory is that massive male heads look good on screen. Off screen . . . . 

But the waiter first tweeted this out

WATERLOO. I can’t believe I had to scroll down this far for the Truth. 

This isn’t even the best ABBA song. That honor goes to Waterloo.

I see Aging Drummer as more of a Fred Armisen indie film

I like him in SWAG!, but I feel like I Have Stage IV Colon Cancer missed the mark. Just wasn’t there tonally.

Pence Tested, Mother Approved!

Just wait until AARP initiates First Contact a few days before you turn 50. I swear those folks should run the FBI’s Missing Persons Bureau.

I’m with you on everything besides the kids. Kids are always off limits. I understand the sentiment because these fuckers are so morally bankrupt and duplicitous I think sometimes it seems the only way to get them to feel shame is to make them feel even a fraction of the pain they are inflicting on parents at the…