Exactly. Only you can save yourself. So much easier said than done.

This is Ethel from Donnington.

This is just sad now. I’m sure there will be plenty of very clever comments, as I visit Deadspin for many reasons including the brilliantly acerbic wit of my fellow users. But this is now just darkness. I have in the past and continue to battle substance abuse, but never in my life have I ever struck another person.…

Grew up outside of Durham, and my both of my parents worked at the university for decades. Have some breakfast at Youngs (best diner in town) and enjoy your stay in picturesque Manchester ;)

Between this and the oral history of the last drive of Super Bowl 49 I'm gonna have to power wash every wall in my apartment.

I am so hard right now.

So you're not paid by the word?

This guy sounds like a real...

What about the fake Darius Fleming story you published?

I just assumed this was about us blowing the #1 seed.

GRONK SMASH

Charlie Weiss is Jabba I assume. Meh, it's Friday, I'm tired.

Cam Newton is a dancy God.

Vince Wilfork is a fancy hog.

What am supposed to tell my children???!!!!!!

Typical shotgun wedding.

I'll be working but I assume most of my friends will be doing MDMA in a rusted out bathtub in Bushwick while explaining the greatness of Rusted Root to each other. Same as every other damn year.

I'm gonna fire up Pathways into Darkness. Bungie is dead to me, and I was out after The Dark Below.

Did Zach Lowe have Chris Thompson killed?

Anyone else confused about the snarky basket-blogger post by Chris Thompson that apparently was destroyed? Am I taking crazy pills?