When ESPN's top sports story in the middle of a pennant race isn't whether Johnny Motherfucking Football will start the second preseason game. That's when.

What does Johnny Football think about all this?

I'm not quite An Old yet, I'm just 30, but I don't get it either. I think it's because I view socializing on the internet the exact same way as socializing in person, and I empathize with people I'm talking to, and those assclowns seem to have a sociopathic lack of empathy for humanity in general.

It's official—I'm an Old. Notwithstanding the fact that I am, in fact, over 40, I don't fucking understand the idea of pointlessly posting disturbing, hateful, violent, vile, degrading sickness in response to something somebody put genuine thought into. In short, I don't get 'trolling', and by that, I mean that I…

I mentioned this somewhere else yesterday, but it should be here, too, even if it's just a technical clarification: most of these trolls weren't using our non-IP-tracked, anonymous "Burner" accounts. They were logging in using throwaway Twitter accounts as verification. So while the overall comment/groupchat system…

"Holy shit, did that really just happen?"

Yeah, but 12-year-old me didn't have access to Internet porn 20 years ago, so softcore porn and squiggly Spice channel was real!

People who do that sort of thing need to find a hobby, like forming a fan club or something. Like a Colin Cowherd fan club!! Yeah! You can combine all the douchebag trolling with worship of a well-known celebrity douchebag!

This one, from 2005, also seems somewhat fitting.

This comic is ten years old. And it wasn't exactly a new concept then, either.

It's time to fight fire .... with puppies

He was such a persistent presence since he hit the big time that, I think, we started taking him for granted. Now that he's gone, we're going to start looking back and seeing what an overwhelming, once-in-a-generation talent he truly was. The scope of his career is utterly breathtaking: the same guy did Mork &…

The Survivors was criminally underrated. It had one of the funniest scenes in a motion picture I've ever seen. Robin takes Jerry Reed hostage and tells the leader of the renegade group that he wants to kill him in private. He does a play by play of the killing, staged of course and at the end says: "And now live from…

"He was then asked what was misrepresented in the photos."

The baby, working on deep undercover, could not be shown on camera. "YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP, DAVE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE!"

I CAN hack this.

I read "BEGIN!! HUZZAH!!" as "BENGHAZI!"

If you google Speed Agile and SOFTA you will see some pretty cool propulsion concepts.

Damn. Frankly, the effort to post the list of reasons would automatically trump my potential 'butt hurt'.

That's odd. Don't the strippers usually have MORE plastic surgery than the customers?