Soon he'll be holding hands with an old lady, while they sit in separate bathtubs at the top of a hill. His days day of forlornly standing on a yacht with no boner will be a thing of the past!

FIX A MAST. GITTEN STUFF DONE

That man needs some Viagra! It'll help him do stuff like pour water in a muscle car's radiator, or pull a horse trailer out of the mud or........something like that.

"You shut your fucking mouth, Rendon!"—Mark Parent

"I don't watch basketball, as a matter of fact, I fucking hate it"- Roy Hibbert

There's so much surprise to this sort of thing, and they mystery of why a civilian airliner was flying over a zone of active combat is so impossible to ignore, that the idea of conspiracy is very tantalizing. Of course, it's so ridiculously early, and a conspiracy is so hard to prove (or disprove), so any detailed…

I don't get it....I mean, why didn't they just ask all those folks that love to carry their rifles and shotguns to the local stores to just go out and blow them out of the sky? Or did they, and they just couldn't excuse themselves from manning the front lines of low, low, prices! at the local big box hardware store?

Ernie Els, with his "Mantra For Outboard Motors" interpretive dance!

"...and did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual."

"'I remember the Little League teams that come to the Stadium usually come and stand next to us. It means I've been doing it for a long time – a very long time. It's great to see guys that you run into when they're young. There's been plenty of players I've played against that have said I had an opportunity to met…

THIS IS WHERE ALL THE GREEK YOGURT COMES FROM!!

I'm not sure the baseball world is ready for a Cardinal who disrespected the game like that.

"Next week, on 'Nash and Hassebrock'—the boys play the most dangerous game with an international terrorist, known only as Czar Nikolas. Saturday at 7, only on Spike!"

Hernandez 6/17/13 (11:35:01 P.M.): I think I messed up bad, coach. What do I say when the media starts asking the tough questions?

Caption: "And then the guy said, and I shit you not, 'You're goin' to jail, Haslem!"

"All hands on dick! Because I have an erection, you see. Touch my boner, is what I'm saying."—Gotze

Police are stymied, trying to figure out who did it. When locals were asked for assistance, they noted, "We are all witnesses."

"Dude is gonna LOVE my 'money phone' routine!!"—Johnny Football

"I'm still available!"—Andrew Bynum

"That's my boy! Say, P, can I borrow some money?"-Cecil