I'm in my mid 40s, Garrett, which means I'm old enough to not only remember playing the old 2600, I'm dumb enough to buy the 'retro collection!' games (which are fun for, oh, about 7 minutes). I still play a few games, and while I'm not terrible, I'm also nowhere near that skilled, so the online experience for me is…

Damn...I've seen less pornographic letters in any given issue of "Penthouse Letters"

Rovell's just living up to his brand, is all—Unoriginal Hack

"Jesus, dude! Hit a weight bench or something..."—Carson Kressley

I bet you Jeter's kids will give him a "World's Greatest Dad" mug every year, despite the overwhelming evidence that he's not even in the top 10 greatest dads.

Scene: hidden bunker beneath Busch Stadium, a group of men seated around conference table

"When I got to second base, I didn't know what to do"—me, age 15

"Mr. Wong, I've about had enough of this, and I'm going to have to ask you to stop. You've been in here complaining about your eyes after you've cried, been in the ocean, sliced onions, and now this. Your eyes are perfectly fine!"—local Opthamologist

Hockey players seem to be the easiest athletes for the common fan to relate to; not sure why that is.

As a Pirates fan, all I can say is that I'm glad we have him. Otherwise, we'd be the MLB version of the fucking Washington Generals.

"Ya know, Stoney, I'll bet that's not the first time she's grabbed some wood!"—K. Harrelson

The Russians were motivated by their fear of being sent to a (dramatic tone) Penal Battalion had they lost......

(DA's office):

I've often heard about Redford that he never really 'acts', or 'acted', as it were. It's weird how the same can basically be said about Sandler, except with markedly different results.

"Shit! And I thought I had it bad, when I played for Chuck's team!"—P. Patty

Tolerable + Adam Sandler = Punch Drunk Love.

Yeah Reggie Jackson isn't the best creator either and Derek Fisher is too slow to be anything other than spot up shooter. If I were the Thunder at 29 I'd try to find a way to move up and get a guy like Tyler Ennis who can help facilitate their offense.

Also, I think Danny Green is highly underrated when talking about…

then in that case, I humbly request that everybody just take a few moments during the upcoming Memorial Day to thank them for what they did, for the sacrifice they made....

Cowherd's like that older dude who buys you the beer, then insists on hanging out with you.

Also Perkins had the benefit of a pass first point guard in Rondo and a PF in Garnett that pulled more coverage away than Ibaka does. Also, Garnett passed better than Ibaka from the high post making Perkin's offense look acceptable.