I got to the Parenting Party later, when I was 35, and when my daughter was born, I sincerely wanted to be a SAHD, but since my ex had maternity leave, it was decided to just go with that. As my daughter has grown older, and as my ex and I split custody (week on, week off), I've managed to keep my current postion…

Lee was asked, "But if you like the underdog so much, why not fall in love with the Pirates?", before he responded, "Fuck those losers. Charlie Brown thinks it's depressing to like those guys."

Boesch was just trying out a new way to get fans autographed bats.

Cunningham looked damn good in that uni.

Well, he does look like almost every beer-league softball pitcher....

And so, with the seemingly-innocuous (except for the building) explosion, the Nogapocalypse began.

"Dude, don't believe a word my brother says. He's been hung up ever since Jones forced Landry out."—Jesus

Assistant band director for 10 years, then became the boss, and they STILL have problems? Apparently Waters works at a pace that makes 'glacial' look like Bolt.

Almost exactly what was happening in that gross Jerry Jones pic! Except it was just her face. And was much more disgusting than this. And disturbing.

Definitely DNB, but it has to be pronounced almost exactly as you typed, but even, uh, rollier—dickNballs.

So, it's basically an average contract, then? Nothing near out of the ordinary for a starting NFL QB? I swear, Dalton could not possibly fall anywhere outside of the 'average' for damn near anything. If he went back to HS and played ball, he would somehow regress to the point where anybody would look and say "Eh,…

"Tain't watchin' no team ain't gotta checker-burd end zoan!"—Tennessee

The Things I Think I Would Think About Thinking About This Sort of Thing, That Doesn't Really Require Much In The Way Of Thinking:

Cut to 10 years from now, the sheep confessing to Oprah that he, in fact, WAS doping.

"That kid's form is fantastic!! The way he slapped that Clemson bastard right in the helmet!"—Woody Hayes

Sportswriters, in the constant competition to be the first to comment.

"The Bengals have re-signed Andy Dalton to a contract extension for a certain length of time and a certain amount of money. Nobody knows what those numbers are, so don't have opinions just yet."

With a stat line of .171/.224/.276, maybe it wasn't a typo.

"One broke up the marriage. The other was John Daly, who laughed the whole thing off with a wave of his buffalo wing-stained hand, saying he enjoyed it quite a lot, actually."

Dombrowski: "Okay, so it's settled, then. Nice working with you guys, and we'll see you in October! Jack, Austin'll be ready right after the game, 'k?"