"Tain't watchin' no team ain't gotta checker-burd end zoan!"—Tennessee

The Things I Think I Would Think About Thinking About This Sort of Thing, That Doesn't Really Require Much In The Way Of Thinking:

Cut to 10 years from now, the sheep confessing to Oprah that he, in fact, WAS doping.

"That kid's form is fantastic!! The way he slapped that Clemson bastard right in the helmet!"—Woody Hayes

Sportswriters, in the constant competition to be the first to comment.

"The Bengals have re-signed Andy Dalton to a contract extension for a certain length of time and a certain amount of money. Nobody knows what those numbers are, so don't have opinions just yet."

With a stat line of .171/.224/.276, maybe it wasn't a typo.

"One broke up the marriage. The other was John Daly, who laughed the whole thing off with a wave of his buffalo wing-stained hand, saying he enjoyed it quite a lot, actually."

Dombrowski: "Okay, so it's settled, then. Nice working with you guys, and we'll see you in October! Jack, Austin'll be ready right after the game, 'k?"

I see him more as like Jeffrey Loria's drunken older brother. The one who has little respect for other peoples' personal space allowances, and who insists he could've been a big leaguer if the coach's son wasn't on the team.

"Cheer up, kid. You get used to it. Now get the fuck out of my face."—Dave Kingman

"I ain't touching this. This is obviously a hoax."—Jim Bowden

I'm no fashion maven, and I have a hard time matching even the most basic of clothes. Is it because the women in his movies mainly serve as interchangable foils for the males to conquer through some combination of quirky "charms" that, in reality, are only socially-acceptable ways to manipulate women? Because …

See, that was pretty much my reaction. Rice is a professional football player who's strong enough to take hits from other professional football players and not only survive, but actually thrive and make a damn good living at it. She might be a badass, but there's no way she could stand up to him physically.

Went to the Pirates' page to see what moves they're making or working on. Biggest headlines are about other teams.

"Damn, that's a hot take! Why the hell didn't I think of it?"—Bill Simmons

"I'll give you a whole carton of smokes and my 13 inch black and white for them."—O.J.

Waiting for my Pirates to make THEIR badass deadline rental deals! Surely there's a washed-up, minimally-productive, has-been out there, or a nice, productive player that'll do fairly well for them, only to be ditched after the season ends.

"The group is a pretty average group of guys."

"'Not this 15-year-old," he said."