Maybe he was telling the truth, about the one beer. I tried Guinness Triple Stout once, and I'm pretty sure by the time I finished it, I would've blown at least a .15.

Sauerbrun, who was charged with driving under the influence, named as part of a steroid investigation, banned for four games for ephedra use (BONUS: longer suspension than Rice!), refused to place kick for the Panthers when Kasay was injured until he was reimbursed for fines he incurred when he was too fat, and who…

So, the woman met with representatives of the most powerful, multi-billion dollar sports league, and the top leadership of one of the key franchises in that league, with her husband, who is a key, very visible member of that franchise, and she was expected to speak freely? She spoke with people who have all this…

The backwards hat screams, " I'M TOTALLY IN YOUR FACE, FAG!". The actual content of his conversations says, "I have no talent, and make up for that with content that's supposed to be edgy, but instead comes off as sophmoric at best, 'something a 7th grader addled on NOS would scream' at worst."

Metta World Peace interprets 'control of his anger management issues' to mean 'taking his frustrations out on non NBA players'.

Qatar just has the appearance of a scratch-and-sniff sticker that smells like shit—takes very little effort to get an idea of how bad it really is.

Well, not "weird" so much as it is a way to put forth the charade that these are serious matters, taken seriously by serious people, when in reality it's two loud people talking loudly in an attempt to 'win' a contrived argument by speaking loud. ESPN cares about as much about serious discussion and/or debate about…

Frankly, the fact that there's so much effort to justify Rice's knocking the woman unconscious is terrifying to me.

Y'know, I'm pretty sure people would bray something about losing my mancard, or being a pussy or whatever, but after this fucking shit-circus, I'm just about completely done with the NFL. Oh, I've been done with ESPN for years, because they promote asshats screaming over each other as 'debate', and I didn't have to…

My favorite part of the whole shitty escapade was Harbaugh suggesting that kids learned a valuable lesson with this strict and swift punishment. Actions have consequences, or some such bullshit.

"Christ, Mark! Have you even HEARD of shampoo?"

"Holy shit! What an arm!"—Johnny Damon

As a damn-near lifelong Pirates fan, I remember relishing the damage he was inflicting as part of the Bonds/Van Slyke/Bonilla outfield, and was heartbroken to see him head to the Giants. If he would've just been content with being a complete badass, instead of trying to soothe his butthurt about other players getting…

Gives new meaning to 'Dotting the I'.

It's okay. Doug Gottlieb IS pretty confused about anything that doesn't have to do with Doug Gottlieb.

"Hold on a sec. Let's not be hasty, here. Are they any good? I mean, that's pretty important, you know."—Raj Goodell

"No, Mr. Epstein, it's not because of the market-size. It's because we DESERVE this spot. The top spot would, of course, have been more accurate, but, well, we must be charitable towards those who are not us, correct?"—the Cardinals and their fans

Raj and the gang, looking out over the landscape and laughing at the pitiful, weak protestations, giving the finger to those who are enraged by this "punishment".

She's inspired him to pen a private version just for her: "She's a Two Guard"

Amazing how they managed to catch Oden in one of his rare 'happy' moments!