"...people found heavier-than-expected objects much funnier than lighter-than-expected objects."

"I don't really give a damn what you say, we're still not changing the name!"—Dan Snyder

"Next week, on 'Nash and Hassebrock'—the boys play the most dangerous game with an international terrorist, known only as Czar Nikolas. Saturday at 7, only on Spike!"

Caption: "And then the guy said, and I shit you not, 'You're goin' to jail, Haslem!"

"All hands on dick! Because I have an erection, you see. Touch my boner, is what I'm saying."—Gotze

Man, if I was that kid, I'd NEVER take that off! In fact, now that I think about it, if I lived around that kid, I'd probably try and take it from him, or at least bug him for it until he got so damn sick of me, he'd begin publicly mocking me in an attempt to get me to stop. Not sure it would work, though....

Sounds very French....

Man, I know ALL about this. People photoshop pics with me all the friggin' time! Some people call it 'cropping' or 'cutting that half of the picture off' (back in the day), but I call it 'photoshopping'.

Steve Nash tried responding, but ended up on the Disabled List.

Police are stymied, trying to figure out who did it. When locals were asked for assistance, they noted, "We are all witnesses."

"Dude is gonna LOVE my 'money phone' routine!!"—Johnny Football

"I'm still available!"—Andrew Bynum

"Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous kidney stone plot we have ever had to face."

I STILL love this movie, if, for nothing else, Robert Preston is in it. Kinda surprised there was no mention of Dan O'Herlihy in the article, though. Pretty inspired casting to get General Black to play a balls-out alien.

"Our penchant for war has infected another intelligent species, and the curse of humanity will live on even if we die out."

Seems like the sort of advice that led to 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

"So, how can we get in touch with such fine, outstanding organizations, Mr. Strauss? These are the type of folks that can really seal the deal for us!"—Louisiana State Government

"That's my boy! Say, P, can I borrow some money?"-Cecil

"I'm not sure hw that will help anything, Mr. Monfort."—Ferguson.

NOT returning? Delonte West