I'm in my mid 40s, Garrett, which means I'm old enough to not only remember playing the old 2600, I'm dumb enough to buy the 'retro collection!' games (which are fun for, oh, about 7 minutes). I still play a few games, and while I'm not terrible, I'm also nowhere near that skilled, so the online experience for me is…

Damn...I've seen less pornographic letters in any given issue of "Penthouse Letters"

Rovell's just living up to his brand, is all—Unoriginal Hack

"Jesus, dude! Hit a weight bench or something..."—Carson Kressley

Scene: hidden bunker beneath Busch Stadium, a group of men seated around conference table

"When I got to second base, I didn't know what to do"—me, age 15

"Mr. Wong, I've about had enough of this, and I'm going to have to ask you to stop. You've been in here complaining about your eyes after you've cried, been in the ocean, sliced onions, and now this. Your eyes are perfectly fine!"—local Opthamologist

Hockey players seem to be the easiest athletes for the common fan to relate to; not sure why that is.

As a Pirates fan, all I can say is that I'm glad we have him. Otherwise, we'd be the MLB version of the fucking Washington Generals.

"Ya know, Stoney, I'll bet that's not the first time she's grabbed some wood!"—K. Harrelson

The Russians were motivated by their fear of being sent to a (dramatic tone) Penal Battalion had they lost......

(DA's office):

I've often heard about Redford that he never really 'acts', or 'acted', as it were. It's weird how the same can basically be said about Sandler, except with markedly different results.

"Shit! And I thought I had it bad, when I played for Chuck's team!"—P. Patty

Fisher's role as a 'coach on the floor' had some value once, but just like when guys like Rose and Frank Robinson did it in baseball, when they're actually playing in the game, it's a position that offers the team practically no return. It's time for him to just hang it up and go work for the league, which he'll be…

then in that case, I humbly request that everybody just take a few moments during the upcoming Memorial Day to thank them for what they did, for the sacrifice they made....

Cowherd's like that older dude who buys you the beer, then insists on hanging out with you.

Exactly. As it is, he's a liability on both ends of the floor, and leaves OKC playing 4 on 5. Hell, maybe he could finally try and get Westbrook to actually be a PG, instead of the second coming of John Starks, circa Game 7, 1994. At least then he'd be doing something productive...

I guess part of the reason the Spurs are thought of as "old" is because key, high-visibility players on their team are veterans who've been in the league for many, many years. You're exactly right, though, with Leonard. He's a stud, who provides the team with a speed element to help them play a faster game when they…

I made the mistake of claiming the Blazers youth and speed would be the end of the Geriatric Ward of the NBA, and I didn't make that same mistake before this series. OKC is soft as a kitten when it comes to D—Ibaka was the only person who made it a priority on that team (exactly what the fuck Perkins is there for is…