Sports Press: "For we shall offer this latest offering to the Altar of Brent M's Boner, in hopes of another fruitful harvest, and the most delicious of the Eye Candy!!!"

"sexy" in a middle-aged, boozy, you-know-I-coulda-played-pro-ball-if-coach-woulda-played-me, uncle-ish sorta way, sure.

At least he hit the kid. If it was my team, it'd be "Pirates Backup Catcher Destroys Window In Building Next Door With A Dodgeball"

What is "The main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer quit playing baseball", Alex?

"Back and to the left......Back, and to the left.....Back....and to the left.....": Jose Fernandez's lawyer.

Pfft! Big fucking deal! I hit a few that far before! No, I mean it was as if you put the combined distances of every hit I ever got back to back, and then added, say, about 30 feet, but still....

"Get off the goddamn mound! I want a man out there."

"Holy shit! That was a hell of a long fight!"—Michael Spinks

I dunno...when you find yourself surrounded by 7th grade boys, and you're trying to impress them with your coolness, maybe? Any other time, and you look like a 'bag with a piss poor sense of humor. Like the kind of guy that pays good money to see Adam Sandler movies on opening night, and stays all the way through…

I mean, it's terrible pay for the work put in, yeah, but not a bad supplement to her regular job as a Quebecer fur trader.

This is a LOT more funny than when it happens to Lucy.

"I remember these!"—Jim Jackson

(jumps up, waving arms) No, see, it's, like...it's like it's a metaphor, man! It's like, the crazy....like, the crazy life of a traveller, man! A stranger in a strange land, like, man! And see, this one guy, he's like "I dunno about this craziness!", man, and he, like, he feels all confused inside, because he…

Williams, reading story on Dylan Fosnacht: "So what's the fucking problem?"

"I give a LOT of money to Republicans!"

Awesome story! Bad haircut.

This attitude'll serve them well when it comes to contract negotiations, I'm sure....

"Paw me"!! Because he doesn't have (air quotes) 'hands', but instead has (exaggerated air quotes) 'PAWS'!!! It's funny if ya think about it......for a while...in a very charitable sort of way....

(leering tone)....mmmm...I'd love to throw MY javelin on THAT track.......or field.........event.........Jesus, that was terrible on every actual level, and several theoretical ones.

I dunno...I mean, Alton's cool and all, but a creation like this is the sort of thing that would seem to really resonate with those who define themselves by their material possessions; who fill the dark, deep, empty spaces in their souls with items like grilling spatulas. Just one man's opinion, of course....