In the purse, she has this miniature scroll rolled up:

It’s called a coin purse, after all, not a coins purse.

I was house sitting and came down with what we called my “stomach thing.” Debilitating internal pain for what seemed like no reason, which meant no one quite believed me, including doctors. I made spinach dip for my family dinner before the pain was too much for anything but the fetal position. Tried to tell my mom on…

A family friend of ours went over on Xmas eve to his late brother’s family’s house as he and his wife did every year. About midnight, he was having the standard toast he did every year, and after he drank down whatever it was, he says, “I’m kind of having a little trouble breathing!”. The whole family went to the ER.…

I gotta tell ya, if I ever hear the words “your turn to host” and the number thirty in the same sentence, I’m noping out, even without the giddiness of new romance for an excuse.

I’ve talked about this before, but I had a pretty disastrous Thanksgiving two years ago. Just by way of background, most of my father’s side of the family is completely working-class white; my dad and his children, including me, were all “the ones who got out”, so to speak.

Potatoes do have a wonderful flavor. WHEN YOU ADD FUCKING SALT!!

You have to watch the labels on what you pull out of the fridge. My drunk friend pulled out a tub of mashed potatoes late one night and plowed through it. Next morning he wakes up and sees the tub on the counter. It was lard.

Disastrous meal #2- for one reason or another, most of my friends and and family either had to work, or were out of town for the holiday. I decided to take myself to Denny’s and have meal there. The group at the next table noticed I was alone and proceeded to make fun of me until I cried. The server cussed them out…

That description is vivid enough to make me feel like I chewed on aluminum foil. 

My father’s new wife hosted. She cooked the turkey in a plastic bag. The bag deflated and stuck to the turkey’s skin so the skin didn’t roast and get crispy. The cooked turkey looked like it was stuck in a condom and then skin came off with the condom. It was not appetizing site. However, that wasn’t the worst dish…

Didn’t ruin the entire meal, but we still talk about the time in 2008 that my dad, the designated gravy maker, pull a box of what he thought was chicken or turkey stock out of the fridge and instead proceeded to use concentrated chai latte mix as the base for the gravy.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the actual article before, but my first thought was...Shauna Malwae-Tweep didn’t get the scoop? Damn, she never could win.

Hahaha, thank you.  This was the first thing that came to mind when I read the headline.

God I love Ron Swanson.

I’m just here to be off-topic and report a murder.

While I have little doubt that Nunes made that face because he has the unenviable task of licking the boot of a guy who regularly steps in crap, it should be noted that I made the same face when I was at KFC and found out that they stopped making those hot wings I like so much.

Does anyone else think that maybe he tells stories the way he does with quoting conversations so that he can remind us that people call him sir and convince us that Melania calls him darling? He so badly wants everyone to believe that he is worthy of respect and admiration that he will take any opportunity to make…

How could such a heartless man have cardiac problems?

Perhaps it was an extreme case of flatulence?