aw shit yall we got a trekkie ready to start some shit in here
Moms everywhere: of course I can push your buttons better than anyone else. I installed the damned buttons.
My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.
The toaster one reminds me of the time one of the librarians smelled food and tracked it down to a woman who was sitting at a reading desk with a crock pot plugged in underneath it, cooking chicken stew.
In lieu of family support, I have boxes of wine.
Oh my god the birthday parties. The Birthday Parties. I could die of all the exhaustion just watching some of these other parents.
His asshole must be wide enough to run a Mack truck through it with all the shit he spews out.
There are so many things we have asked from Seymour and I cannot even count how many things he has done. Some probably find it stupid, have some reason for why it happens and such but during the last hurricane our house had not a scratch on it. Not one. Not even a branch downed from our numerous oak trees. The houses…
So true. I was miserable for 10 months straight, with constant cramping and weight gain and bloating and all the hormonal awfulness that I never really experienced with birth control pills. I do think the IUD is an awesome option and should be offered widely (mine was free with my student insurance, which was a bright…
Does anyone know how to become a contestant on Shark Tank?
The reenactment of Newman getting blinded by the dilophosaurus was quite inspired. I couldn’t even see the strings that made your foreskin flare out like that.
Yes. We are being investigated by the FBI for that one.
Hey, you can’t bring out a piñata like Bill Kristol and expect nobody to take a swing.
See also: every single resident of South Dakota. The state capitol there is Pierre, named after a Frenchman with the same name. You would think they’d pronounce it Pi-erre, because that’s how it’s pronounced in French. No! Never! None of that French commie shit for the hearty folk in the 605. They pronounce it like…
Look at those happy faces.
That’s true for the most part if you’re not an ardent fan, but it’s also fun to experience a cultural phenomena with a theater full of people who are just as crazy about something as you are. It really does feel special to be surrounded by such enthusiasm.
Just because you can buy Star Wars tickets tonight, doesn’t mean you need to.