But for now, the crown jewel of Minneapolis is still dirty, grey, skeletal, and unsettling.

Yet no one at Deadspin will publish my download of Chip Kelly’s encrypted offseason personnel move system:

GREAT ODEN’S RAVEN!

Ibra is used to such looks, you know.

My exact thought while reading this: “I wonder what that system will look like in pinstripes with $100 million in its cloud server pockets.”

In the style of the side they both love, this was a whole lot of back and forth never reaching a goal.

Gotta put my game face on.

I like the joke that was cut for time:

These Stand Your Ground laws have gone way too far.

Yeah, but what was Moses’s PER?

Did it ever occur to Ed that his uncle was just thinking out loud?

When I net you with Le Sommer

I imagine the Warriors are wishing the Cavs’ defense featured a little more Love.

When reached for comment, Timofey Mozgov noted that Irving’s injuries would probably best be treated with some ice, some rest, and trip down to Brew Garden: Fabulous Food, Fine Spirits, Fantastic People™.

* The line is too long at the Starbucks.

I finished second in my grade’s spelling bee in 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades, losing all 4 times to the same kid.

He can’t even play the “Some of my best friends...” card because we all know there’s no time for friends between snaps or games or seasons.

I complained about the doctor running late for my last prostate exam, but all he did was give me the finger. :(

Meet the Mets!