The double standard in baseball is unreal: ban Pete Rose for life, but let John Farrell put in Betts every single game day.

Maybe NFL GMs are finally buying into my life philosophy of never trusting anyone with two first names.

Story of my Kinja life, my friend.

I take some amount of comfort in knowing that after nuclear winter clears and most of humanity has vanished from this mortal realm Tim Duncan will still be setting high screens for 4’ tall cockroach point guards.

“Where was George Patton born?”

[Taco Bell sound]

Sorry. If Anna Wintour shows up at my house, I’m doing the Condé Nasté with her ASAP.

Shocking that a guy who used the #1 overall pick on David Carr would be unprepared for NFL Draft talk.

Is he related to Blossom?

We used to play 2 on 2 NHL 97 all the time. One day, my perpetual teammate figured out you could place a position player in the opposing crease and effectively block the goalie. I’d bring the puck past the blue line all the way to one side, which drew the goalie all the way to that side of the crease. Teammate would…

No room in football for Sucre punches.

It’s an absolute shame that Deadspin - a site I used to love so much - has sunk to posting “articles” like this one filled with butt puns.

“He who defends the dribbling of Rivers in these degenerate days will not utterly despair.”

I think it’s entirely possible that Kelly will do a Chip Kelly Thing and institute a 2-QB package using Tebow as a mutant H-back with a throwing option.

“I’m an eater, not a fighter.”

Playing Clue with this guy must be an absolute nightmare.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over the rules of basketball—that our lives had become unmanageable.

At some point, even the cops get fed up dealing with late night Antics.

You’re with me, mohair.

If QPR signed <control-c, control-v> Adebayo Akinfenwa, they'd be the greatest bad team in history.