You get a solid, one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand count. If you haven’t started moving, or your brake lights haven’t at least flickered off by then, you get the horn.

It’s literally just “what’s wrong with kids today!” complaining. It’s really obnoxious, especially given that the people who seem to have most contempt for millennials (baby boomers) are the ones who fucked things up so spectacularly for us.

Holt is moderating the first debate, thanks goodness.

I actually think they made this decision BECAUSE of RGIII. How badly did the RGIII trade really hurt the Redskins?

Word. All the concern trolling is fucking stupid. “I just want her to be happy! But I think talking with a British accent is a key symptom of bipolar disorder and I am so worried xoxo Brit Brit take care of you!!” Take a seat, you gossip-mongering, armchair psychologists.

If you insist on recognizing the official name, you could still shorten it to “The Gary”

I’ve never been more excited to be wrong.

I mean, it’s not even accurate. He probably doesn’t even own any minorities.

So these aren’t the traits of Gibraltar?

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

I spent the last few weeks thinking of a tree that we used to have in the backyard of our old house. All those hours I spent under that tree looking up as the sunlight dripped like honey through the leaves. When the thin cold wire of time wasn’t pressing pushing tight against my neck. There was time back then. There’s…

Hello, and welcome to earth ☺we’re glad you decided to visit. Seeing the above confusion I hope a brief description of what a public figure is, and what sports are, should probably easy your culture shock. On this planet beings exchange items, deemed valuable for whatever reason, via a proxy system called currency. We…

Jet fuel can melt teams.

What the hell is it with midwesterners and Euchre? I knew of its existence but nobody down south plays it. I moved to Chicago and everybody thought I was from another country for having never played their boring-ass card game. Then I proceeded to beat the shit out of all of them at their shit-ass card game.

Joe would have gotten him if it didn't take so long, but the guy in the bathroom was a long reliever.

Yes, but bidets don’t wreak havoc on our plumbing systems like “flushable” wipes do, unfortunately. =\

Reddit user PARTYxDIRTYDAN

Millenials don’t trust Mike Rowe because he wants them to stop whining and clean out the tanks on shrimp boats or whatever.

You cannot be trusted to determine whether you smell bad or not.