He’ll be acquitted; the Nationals can’t beat anyone in October.

The Falcons don’t have a ring though

The city’s permanent residents should really adjust to the needs of the casual, pants-pissing visitor.

As a fan of literary critics tearing down bad books I found this review to be a fun, silly romp that allowed my mind to spin up memories of other bad books I’ve read. Now the chic thing to do is to say that Jeb Lund is chic.

That is how the article is formatted. You don’t have to be bent out of shape by it in the least to think that having KKK signs hanging in outfielder corners is slightly weird.

Jeter is struggling to field routine ground rules for purchasing a team.

Read the article. She set up the enema so that the rubber bladder would be the head and the catheter would be, like, a stick figure body. She needed a dinner companion while she ate the poop. Seriously, this was like two paragraphs in. smdh

Folks......... this is a bus

I for one will be disappointed if Golden State chooses not to go to Washington. Opportunities like this come along once in a lifetime, if that. I think the Warriors, provided they receive an invitation, had better think long and hard about how to respond. It is a personal meeting with the Goddamn President of the…

I like that you have taken a firm stance on the author’s claim that the Immaculate inning is the greatest form of inning, and is clearly better than all other forms of inning. On the glorious day—-and this day will come, as you have anticipated—-when you are offered the choice between a three-pitch inning and an…

Yes, but blood on a cut avocado will prevent it from turning brown.

Yes because Chris Sale has already pitched a flag on that wingnut space rock

No joke, the cropped version of the dress at the top of this article is the first time I’ve automatically seen it as the “correct” way, which is blue and black. I always see it white and gold normally.

“the Warrant is coming out of my balls.”

I’ll go one further. No need for wedding gifts, and if you do give one, no need for a thank you card. Because fuck thank you cards, man.

Did Fagin really attempt to snub Walton, or was it more of an artful dodge?

Rick decided to sew his own asshole shut and live inside of a bird.

No, it’s more like ejaculating on a candle, but the candle is actually your smartphone and the floor is lava.

Or, just password-protect your phone

Counterpoint: Clerks 2 fucking sucks.