A riff on the bawdier version

The variant I’ve heard is:

A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender tells “Hey! You get out of here! We don’t serve your kind!” So the rope goes outside, frizzes out one end, and ties himself in a knot. Then walks back in. The bartender tells “Ain’t you the rope I just threw out’a here?” To which the rope replies “Nope. I’m a frayed…

“Two guys walk into a bar. You would think after the first the second would have learned!”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “You want a drink?” The horse says, “I think not,” and promptly vanishes.

I’ve always heard that one as

My two favourite dad jokes:

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?

I agree with you.  What should also be banned is the 40 nuggets for $5!

I believe you are CLOSE to the truth here...there is no upper limit to CHEESEBURGERS.

As a backup plan, you can spray everyone down with water like stray cats if they still won’t behave.

Many people aren’t aware that Yoda’s last name is Layheehoo. 

Just...just wear the clothes. We know who it is, the costume’s good and fine on its own, there’s no need to Blackface it up. Jesus, why is this so hard?

“What the hell you gonna do? Shoot me?”

He said “hate”. If you say it 3 times in the mirror, it summons Donny.

Also, it’s worth noting, he never even mentioned Trump’s name. 

Also works as a comparison between a healthy person’s synaptic activity and Trump’s lack thereof.

I’m a sucker for shitty fly-by-night leagues*, so I plan to enjoy both seasons of the AAF. But those officials’ unis are eight kinds of fucked up.

Richardsons first check will bounce even higher.

Not a good sign when you spike a ball in to the stands and it doesn’t come within thirty feet of hitting anyone.