I never thought of tycho brahe as a supervillian.

Cuba’s apparently so poor that they attach their feet with MS Paint. Poor dears can’t even afford Photoshop.

Headlines: "Ride or Die Chick Rides with Deadly Apparatchik!" and "Model and Mommy Marries Malevolent Mummy!"

I prefer "taxidermy and chill".

I read Malamute but thought “Mallomar”. I want chocolate wafer marshmallows.

Picture a white, wealthy 40-something man in a Whole Foods ignoring his attractive 30-something blonde wife and sneering at all of the other wealthy white people shopping at Whole Foods. Do you want to read a book narrated by and starting that man? If so, you’ll love Franzen.

I once shit in a washing machine for one of those oversized beef jerky sticks.

Don’t eat yellow Cornflakes.

I really thought Camille’s courtroom win was going to be against Kelsey for some reason

Justin Bieber is totally the best musician to hear whilst you definitely do not have fingers up your butt.

“My body count? Soon to be 1, after I kill you for being such a douchebag.”

That’s one way of Putin it!

Grad A pun-age.

They also did a sketch about Tidal that was just an excuse to have Ariana whip out her vocal impressions again.

I Laika.

She’s DiLo-est.

Words, and a bit of vomit, seem to have left me.

Nah, I just vote for all of the positions on my election ballot and track environmental districts. Honestly, hardly anyone looks past federal offices. Local government has more power over your life than federal.