If you can eat gold, you can probably do glitter. I wonder if you can buy glitter pills? A quick google search says you can make glitter pills or buy some pre-made. If you made your own with a non-toxic glitter... well, it'd be easier to swallow than glitter covered mashed potatoes. (Ugh, the thought of glitter grit…

For me, it's kinda like watching a puppy bark at its own image in the mirror.

My vagina made $9500 working from home this week! My vagina's last paycheck was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My neighbour's sister's vagina has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week! I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out.

This is what I do,,,,,,,,,,…

She should have uses saran wrap, the vintage wrap dresses are really in.

That title is so stilted I keep rereading it expecting it to be a palindrome. But it's not. She should call her next album: "Ha. I Ram Mariah"

Thank god for small favors.

I onced swiped right on the Tinder profile of a bulldog. He was just really wrinkly and adorable, okay? But there was no euphemism-laced faux-bulldog dialogue, thank god.

This is some B-level Tinder trolling. Hello Let's Date is the big leagues:

What the fuck is in that pie, the whole cast of Titus Andronicus?

So, in other words, she was up to neigh good?

"she was looking to make the acquaintance of a male horse"

She wanted to filet a horse?

I mean, why even bother with a "cute" selfie? it's not like the horse gives a shit, you know?

This is literally the definition of a "first-world problem" (awful term, I know).

Where were you when you heard "Tonight And the Rest of My Life" for the first time?

I would hope a movie about RL Stine would just be a farcical, melodramatic, over the top campy preteen horror story, because I would watch the shit out of that.

I fucking love ravens. Everyone at my old workplace hated them because they kept figuring out how to unlatch and open our dumpsters to steal food and we had to start using chains and locks, so the ravens worked out a plan to be waiting when people brought out bags of trash and would snatch stuff mid-air as it was…