ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SO ILL SHARE THE STORY AGAIN.

I already posted this guy on Jez this week, but he was my first present this year, I unreservedly love him, and receiving him was basically the only decent thing that happened all week.

So sorry, saw this a few days ago and then the holidays happened. I like Carolyn Hax (but there is a pay wall on WaPo so I only can get so many), AmyDickinson.com, a couple on this page creators.com/advice.html, etiquette.com, doctornerdlove.com, dearwendy.com (these tend to be the most ridiculous and salacious). I…

While I was getting in the car to go to my little sister’s funeral...

“I have had 5 kids and I am not as fat as you” my mom to me at the first xmas I brought my husband to. She then attempted to make out with my husband in the bathroom and when he rebuffed her, asked her boyfriend to kick his ass. She was not drunk.

“I don’t know what you would have done if we hadn’t adopted you- you wouldn’t make a very good prostitute”. (Adopted as a child from a communist country. It was a true statment, but vulgar coming from a parent. Emancipated shortly there after).

“She looks like a clown’s whore.”

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

As she was putting the turkey on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, “It’s a Butterball, just like Missy.”

My mom is an incredible woman but suffers from alcoholism. Sometimes she is a very mean drunk and during those times she has said the most cruel things about my appearance- seizing on my insecurities I had shared with her and throwing them back in my face. But the worst was when she sarcastically said my rape was hard…

“You are the fattest person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting.” -Mom

Yeah, I was horrified until I got to the hookworms. Those, I can get behind.

My worm’s only ever invaded one person, and she couldn’t get pregnant.

#teamhookworms

There’s a Parasitic Worm in Bolivia That’s Making Women Have More Children

For reference.

Somewhere in the world Leonardo Dicaprio just squinted reeeeaaal hard

I laughed.

When do the barricades go up? I want me some fancy cosplay and flagwaving.

Worst of all? This was the text: