He has no birth certificate, he’s a potato!

God, do people still want to see that haunted house naked?

I find this shocking, as I was certain Ted Cruz was a russet potato born of potato parents.

This entire election cycle is a segregated bus.

This has to be a performance art piece. Nobody’s that vapid, right? RIGHT?

It is the year Goddamned 2015 and we are still talking about... nope. Not gonna get riled up about it. This is the death rattle of the patriarchy. I’m gonna go watch videos of kittens on Youtube.

Women who are, let’s face it, gonna be stomping all over their aged dicks from now on. The last gasps of the patriarchy are ugly, indeed.

I would love to think they feel remorse over this, but these dicks...

Is that Ted Cruz sweater for real, or do I have a terrible fever?

Fire this journalist. Actually, fire them all. Fire all of us. Out of a cannon. To the moon. #RIPUSA

Hahahaha... Haahaha. Ha. Heh.

I would like to be cremated and cut into a kilo of cocaine, thank you.

I want those Robert Smith candles so bad I can taste it.

A little OT, but two of my girlfriends and I recently spent a night in Nashville drinking Bushwackers and objectifying men on the street, and sorry but it was so fun.

My dear, departed father would be so happy to see that the anti-penny movement is gathering steam. He fucking hated pennies. Hated ‘em.

These posts are so excellent. Thank you.

I’m saving this thread for the next time I’d sad.

SOOO GOOOOOD.

People shouldn’t work when they’re well, let alone when they’re sick. Screw jobs. Jobs are dumb.