I took the train from Chicago to New Orleans, was able to bring my bike for $50, packed four huge carry-ons at no extra charge, and enjoyed walking around, sitting in the observation car, and drinking the beers I brought in my purse. Train travel rules, and we should be talking about how to make it better.

The 420... I can’t. I’m dead.

I think my German landlady said it best, when charging about her husband’s complaining: “Men. They are born babies, and they die babies.”

Have not been following along, so quick question: What is Kanye West’s fucking problem?

Amber Rose should body shame... I mean body slam Hough into a dumpster.

Egregious clickbait. You’re an evil genius.

Was just lamenting the terrible dreams I had last night, so it’s nice to see some wonderful news on the Internet.

Here’s another cool, laid-back guy who was great at getting women to talk to him.

What in the world is J-Lo wearing?

I bought a BigMouth floaty shaped like a toilet last year, and I consider it the best $25 I’ve ever spent.

I would argue that he’s been blind for decades...

The up-side is this will expedite Pence’s gay sex tape leak, cause only a closeted homo could hate gay folks that much.

Dudes, I came down with a wicked case of something-that-wasn’t-strep one year over Halloween. I remember waking up in a fever at a friend’s party, then the next thing I knew a nurse was pumping morphine into an IV in my arm, and two days later I was a person again. The throat maladies are real.

Oh my God, you’re on the Professional Lo Mein Eating circuit too?

God, this campaign’s comebacks are such a stretch, Trump might want to hire a staff physical therapist.

“After being mauled by a shark whose name is never revealed...”

Sit back down, Stacy Furgleturd.

Sit down Aunt PETA, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

This dude needs to be fired... in a rocket... to the moon.