Hire a fucking skywriter. Rent a Goddamned billboard.

According to this quiz, your soulmate is the data farm this website just sent a bunch of your info to.

She’s just tired from traveling back to 1990 all the time to maintain that hairdo.

My ticker can’t take it.

A fellow Lions fan I know said during last football season “half of me hopes the Packers win this game.” So I said to him “I hope that half of you gets herpes and then gives it to your other half when you go fuck yourself.”

I believe the children are our future, and by that I mean we should all give far fewer shits.

Prison pix, plz.

We used to call it "Big Girl" whenever we ate there.

I think we're picking on his clothes because they're horrible...

I mean, I'm just guessing...

Because he's a dumb, ugly fuck and he can't do anything right.

Empire... Broad City... Last Man On Earth... The last thing I needed was another great television show, but I watched like eight episodes of this show straight on Sunday. BRB, moving into the Internet.

Chloe Sevigny is just mad she wasn't able to make socks & sandals happen.

How this dicknose can still find a vagina to stick it in is way, way beyond me.

Oh, what a sweet muffin. Sorry for your loss. I've told Badger that he has to live to be fifty.

Replace the dude with a cat and this is the story of my life... err, death.

I wish we could get a picture of his tiny penis and put it on the dollar bill with his social security number and credit card information.

Easy mistake. I heard that Mountain Dew negatively affects sperm count by literally flowing into a man's testicles and drowning all the sperms.

If most jeans makers would remember to include a butt in their pants, we might not have this problem.

Can we just talk about how perfect that couch is? That couch is perfect.