Trubama 4 eva

But I have all this maple syrup and hot peppers!!1!

I’m sorry, but you can’t pay a millenial anything decent, because they’ll just spend it on artisinal mayonnaise, vinyl copies of 90s albums, rainbow flag bandannas, and marihuana cigarettes.

I’m assuming I get to jump a few spots if I know how to spell both “queue” and “cue” and know when to use them.

I’ve never known one to change stripes.

They're going to attract bears!

Just what we need, women menstruating all over our nice battlefields.

Yeah. I love it when the rapists who enslaved me for years later apologize to my male family members and then my younger brother accepts those apologies on my behalf while I scream, “No!!!!’” I mean, what’s not to love?

I have a theory that Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t actually have sex with the huge number of women he brings back to his room, he just really likes board games.

I got that too. I am surprised given that I have chronic insomnia and night before last I didn’t sleep at ALL.

What a fucking asshole.

The cops still came to the house to check on Isabella and found her freaking out. “She was hysterical crying, she was panicking,”

Every time I watched this show with my girlfriend at the beginning of the show I would pronounce "Oh, this is the one where Ross acts like a total tool".

According to an old maxim - if a man really wants to impress a woman, after a night of booze-fueled sex he should turn into a pizza.

Don't worry, guys! She's totally married (not a slut) and she does want children (just not yet)! There is no way in which this pregnancy product will be used by anyone other than married middle class white women hoping to start a family with their legally wed spouse.

Creme brûlée for one? Then you could also use one of those little blow torches, although that would only be adding another useless appliance to your kitchen if you don't happen to have one already. 😕

I confused the hell out of the TSA with a sock bun.