I’m sorry, do you know Kap personally? Are you his agent or a close family member or loved one?

Because without the Giants the Patriots would be even more insufferable 

In all seriousness, I want to see blood tonight. Like, do you fucking want to be President or not? There’s actual Democratic Party shit to deal with and we need to deal with it.

Every time I see/hear/think about that commercial, Chapelle instantly pops in my head.

I mean it makes sense. If Thanos snapped his finger Dwight Howard would either be dead, or there would suddenly be only 220 better basketball players in the NBA. That’s win/win.

Mr. Kelly, maybe you should stop talking about this entirely.

Why is it weird that she doesn’t make herself immediately available to:

She’s under no obligation to talk to the NFL, and would probably be better off if she didn’t. 

(1) She got engaged like two weeks after the alleged assault.

No, there really isn’t, because it’s none of your goddamned business. Weddings are usually planned a year or so in advance. I doubt she was considering coming forward a year ago.

Or Boston.

It was a joke he set up at the beginning of the article. It means Gase did nothing to stave off another season of jokes.

Congratulations to the New England Patriots on winning the AFC East before they’ve even taken a snap in the season.

“Adam Gase had a chance to set the tone for the Jets’ season.”

They play in a division with 3 incompetently-run franchises. They feast every fucking year.

Congratulations! You can read.

Speaking of predictable, how about serving as a case example of the exact type of joyless, smug, obnoxious prick he’s lampooning in the first place?

“From its music to its food to its sports teams and even its goddamned history, New England has exploited imported talent and effort, yet acts like it’s baked into the very fabric of the area.”

I’m picturing you just refreshing Deadspin every ten minutes waiting for this entry to come up, probably while furiously (angrily?) masturbating nonstop.