“You need people to engage with those to whom you are trying to market in order to have effective marketing.”

Dunce Draws Dopey Dice on Defrauded Dupe

Before we rush to judgment on the turkey vulture, we really have to consider whether there were elements of provocation on Stephen A’s part.

The one solace of the Mets fan is that we will always be perennial LOLSeries champions.

Ignore him. He’s a shill for BIG PARALYSIS. 

It’s all explained quite clearly in the Voynich Manuscript.

In keeping with their tradition of valuing employee feedback, the Mets front office has responded by adding a post-workout bus ride from Syracuse to the team’s new overnight accommodations in Elmira.

Scoonie Penn

Why is it surprising that the Trojans would admit people who shouldn’t have gotten in?

I thought smallpox was eradicated

It’s even better- a new ride-sharing service where all the drivers are Japanese cartoon heroes. Unfortunately, Travis Kalanick is the CEO.

“You don’t love me enough to commit a felony!”

College admission/donation price tags have gotten so high that uber-rich doesn’t cut it anymore. You have to be super-ultra-mega-rich. It’s so unfair- that’s why we need to cut taxes on the wealthy ASAP. 

My favorite thing about sports is how unpredictable the outcomes are.

“Women cannot resist my bowtie”

[furiously Googles “handjob slang terms that rhyme with collusion”]

Glenlivet 12 = Glenlivet noon

And then we’ll go to the NINTH, and we’ll have a bad RULING, and then we’ll go to the Supreme COURT, and then...

Well, it was the Warriors’ alt-right to sign him. Hope the bay area gives him the welcome he deserves!

Also known as one Stephanopoulos