My trump-supporting half of the family once fed me frozen (cooked) corn on the cob. Who DOES that? It was like chewing wet newspaper blobs.

My friend is gluten free and vegan and does not want oil used in her food. She is also not invited to eat.

The absolute key is to add butter FIRST, then other dairy. The fat coats the starch and it is all scientific and shit. Delicious.

I tapped out. I am in no mental shape this year to face anyone, much less the fucking cheeto-supporting assholes I call my nephews. I am still crying all the time from this election bullshit and the aftermath. I can’t talk to anyone or I will end up ranting like a loon.

I put a tart lemon vinaigrette on my green beans (fresh, obvs). Fuck that casserole shit.

She was asking for it, right?

This is me every damned day now.

It’s not a real proposal unless it is accompanied by air horn noises. Well played.

Haha no, that’s a joke. I am dumb, but I don’t have an actual death wish.

Mine says IH8GSUS

You also get a George Soros Cry Rape Debit Card. It’s accepted almost everywhere you can use cash!

This is why Prince left. He knew. And so did David Bowie.

Ah, it is lovely to see the right wing turn on one another the way that used to be solely the province of the left.

Christie jumped on the Trump Train pretty much earlier than anyone else. So much for being a faithful friend, Trumpy. I have heard Trump has no real friends, only business associates and family. That’s a bad sign.

Hops are what makes beer great. But yeah, some of these things are like a big bitter bomb.

DING DING DING! We have a correct answer.

He’s not crazy! YOU’RE crazy!

This is my most-posted video clip of the month:

Fuck these people. Charles Phoenix did this a loooong time ago...baked in a cake:

Is it hard, being so much more brilliant than everyone else?