I am the imp of the diamond. I am the chief trickster of swingball. I will fool the men in the pressed slacks and bend their mind with my foibles. Look over here at what I have in this hand, Rule King. Oh no, friend. It was what I had over here in this hand, the one I didn’t want you to spy with your pig’s eyes, that…

How have you freaked out your fellow fantasy managers?

If only Martin understood the first rule of nicknames: Repeatedly calling attention to the nickname you hate will only make people want to use it more.

The weird thing is, if the Yankees had shown just a little professionalism themselves, they probably wouldn’t have lost 15-1.

Based on everyone’s reactions to Dez, Geno, and Janay, only in the NFL are you responsible when someone else punches you in the face.

Live drafts are 100 percent better, but its near impossible to get 10-12 guys together. Especially now when we are all 30+ husbands and fathers with actual jobs.

Well, how is he supposed to know if he did anything wrong if someone doesn’t beat the shit out of him first?

So I will break it down in a top ten as I normally do on areas I would like to assert my opinion and clearly superior writing and intelligence skills as compared to this Dave Magary who I hope is make believe as I would push him over in his chair immediately to assert my dominance and supremacy like a lion does in the…

Who the hell is giving the homeless folding money? Bills are in my wallet and I am damn sure not pulling my wallet out in front of some deranged bum. If I am feeling especially charitable (I am not) maybe he gets the loose change in my pocket if I have some. More likely he gets nothing.

A new supermarket opened and gave away whole watermelons.

If there’s a group that deserves to be mocked it’s definitely those people who genuinely care about something.

Dude looks as lost as Helen Kellerman.

oh well. at least we still have all those other football players though, as well as lots of great professional players in the NFL

I look forward to the other articles in this series How to Walk Without Tripping and Everybody Breathes.

You’re totally right—instead of planning to alleviate racism with economic tools, Sanders should instead just plan to make every American sign a pledge stating “I won’t be racist.” That would be a much better solution.

If you break it down per pupil, a Cop is 18 times more likely to die on duty, than a Civilian being killed by a cop. This assumes a U.S. Population of 300mm and a total police force of 1.1mm.

“Police say that Harris opened fire, which they then returned. In the ensuing gunfight, somehow Harris was the only one injured. If you have the luxury of taking that story at face value, congratulations, sounds like a nice life. For the rest of us, however, we who have a cursory understanding of how the police system…

Adam Dunn v. Making Contact

The Royals are basically the baseball equivalent of the guy at the bar who runs into you, then screams at you for it and calls you a gay slur.

Self-serving nonsense from a liar and a cheat. Brady’s statements should be treated with the same derision as Goodell’s. Goodell is not a tyrant for attempting to police on-field misconduct. That’s basically the only kind of misconduct he can properly investigate and punish.