I had a LaTroy Hawkins card (a rookie or futures card or something) in my first pack of baseball cards. I was like 6. I remember him specifically because I thought his name was cool. I’m about to turn 29. How the fuck is this guy still in the league?

We ran Rex Ryan out of town, then gave him a eulogy fit for Bill Walsh after he was fired.

Sanchez: [Tries running away in tears]

I think the proper term for his headgear is bataclava, not balaclava.

It’s better than “Las Vegas Ragged Showgirl Who Looks About 55 Giving A Handjob In The Tropicana Parking Lots”....

I, a Regular Man, am also an Ant Commander.

This is the best one. Remember the necklace of shark teeth or whatever he used to have?

No. No clocks belong in actual baseball games besides the clock that tells you it's time to go to the baseball game.

I’m at DeAndre’s house right now and except for the gun and eighteen sticks of dynamite Steve Ballmer’s holding this whole party is pretty chill.

Look, Kluwe...I won’t punt footballs, and you don’t make Deadspin jokes, okay?

Should Donovan McNabb have been driving while under the influence of an alcoholic substance? What do you think?

In his defense, would YOU want to pay attention to a Padres game?

This is a simple case of he said, she said, he grabbed, she kneed, he pulled back, she punched, he punched, she pressed charges, he got cut from the team not because it’s the right thing to do or anything like that but because he’s likely 5th on the depth chart and will go play one year of 1-AA then transfer back to…

“hate the petition and those signing it as they are racist/misogynists but it is increasingly looking like she is a fucking terrible CEO.”

Make sure not to use Twitter, too. Or Facebook. Asshole by association.

Now-Frantic Sports Editor: “Takin’ It In The Enes: Phil Fails Again.”

So ESPN severs ties with Simmons and Olbermann, both original content creators, for cost cutting measures.

I mean, he’s not wrong.

As someone who listens to Francesa at his desk while working, I actually kind of enjoy these little moments. I’m probably in the minority there, but when he starts doing the play-by-play it makes me feel like I should be listening in... and it’s kind of a breath of fresh air from regular sports talk radio. The best…

How about a son who doesn’t continually disappoint me? That’s all I really want.