Griffin: [tries to hug Rivers]

Excellent! I think you covered just about all the cliches!

Deductive reasoning tells me you don't need another coffee.

How To Cash Out Your Change: Edited Version

Either this was really stupid, or I need another coffee.

I see somebody took their peyote this morning.

Tell you what. Call up the Walter P. Chrysler Museum and notice how they answer the phone.

If Damon Wayans ever goes missing, I'm checking this guy's basement first.

I don't think you understand. The person is literally defying the law of gravity and doing the absolutely nigh impossible. See?

Countering this counterpoint: Who the fuck watches Empire?

walk it off tender touch, it was just a joke

sorry we cant release the episode yet we need to polish it up for a few more months

Furthermore, there are ten letters in the name Chip Kelly. Ku Klax Klan? Also 10!

We should probably be looking at what black people should be doing to make Chip less racist.

Congrats, you're an abusive parent. Showing your kid not to be violent by being violent? Excellent strategy. That poor baby boy, why do you think he hits, when you show him that hitting is appropriate? And shaking? How old is he? I've seen one too many kids with fucked up vision from being shaken. But I don't think…

portly Bulls fan

The most amazing thing about this Lancaster mascot fight is that the actual students don't seem to care one way or the other. The entire fight is being waged by middle-aged alumni who never left town. It's sort of sad watching then vigorously defending their decades-old high school nostalgia.

only carefully placed thermite charges could have broken a man's ribs in the manner seen here

Drew Magary: [walks the fuck right into the side of that car because some asshole won't get out of his way]