hello it me re: every traumatic experience ever JOKES 4EVER

I think that only people who love Mr. Goodbars (me) see the Mr. Goodbars. Because no one really cares about poor, kind Mr. Goodbar in his cardigan. He’s lonely. Have a care, won’t you??

If that girl is 21, I’m 18. Or is she TRYING to age herself with her hair and styling and injections? Jeez. LA seems weird.

THANK YOU. I am so SICK of hearing about the size of Kim Kardashian’s waist and how happy she is to be x pounds. It’s iNSANE. I cannot believe that in 2018 that is allowed to be on air and she doesn’t think before she says shit. The last interview I scrolled past with her, the HEADLINE listed her weight, and it made…

Wait... why are all these models and celebs at this wedding? How are these royals connected to them?

i watched a middle 2 seconds of this, and in those 2 seconds she pours him the tiniest little cup of coffee, and the way he speaks is like he’s narrating a ted talk radio hour, something I refuse to listen to bc i HATE the fake weird way they talk. 

MY EYES ARE WATERING WITH TERROR 

SHIT DAWG. I’M SPOOKED AS HECK RN. 

I think when it comes to politicians, that’s always the choice we have to make. Ain’t nobody good in that mix as far as I can tell.

Malright, I also live here and am also doing what I can... I was just pointing out that there is some hope for and sanity in the South with that comparison.

Alabama made it happen!!! However, I’m REALLY disappointed by Bredesen’s Friday confirmation that he’s for Kav and would confirm him. That fucking sucks. It makes me not want to canvas for him. Kind of torn on it, because obviously I want him to win because Blackburn is a demon from hell. But the idea of canvassing…

So fucking pissed about that. What in the fucking fuck. I was canvassing for him on THURSDAY. Then he does this shit. I give up. Done with the whole thing.

If there was any doubt in my mind that most men are stupid idiot self-absorbed baby fuckwads with the emotional depth of casserole pans, the fact that so many women are able to discuss “ways that her hubby has felt neglected since the birth of their children” convinced me fully.

I thought he was going to say something like “When i read it...... I just fell in love with the story, and I was so inspired by the writing and her characters blah blah” Nah. “When I read it...............it was like a book that wasn’t supposed to be published.” Jajjajajajjaja

Absolutely thought that “Beyoncé’s mules that everyone thought were Kanye’s mules” was talking about actual donkey-horses. Disappointed. 

YES. Yeah. My thoughts, your words.

Wait ok so this is saying that Pine has a massive, pine-tree sized peen? There’s a lot of references happening here I’M LOST. 

WHAT! How did that legend get started!?!?!? I’m surprised more teenage boys aren’t dead from Visine poisoning, because “Visine is a funny prank makes you poop lol” was definitely like A Fact in my high school.

The word tummy makes me ill.

That story FUCKED me up. My dad’s name is Harold and honestly I was like.... idk if you can be my dad anymore bye.