My non-neurotypical son started pre-school this week. He licks random objects and is scared of public bathrooms. I had whipped myself up into a frenzy of anxiety about all of the things that could go wrong. When his teacher texted me a picture of him having his snack, laughing with some little friends he made, I broke…

“I approached them calmly while yelling and banging pots and pans.”

You just know this essay was penned after the author and a gaggle of her cohorts were out drinking all night and one had an epiphany and was all like, this is so much fun and like this is what life is like all about and parents are all like old and sooooo don’t understand today’s world and her friends were all like…

Wanted to avoid the IRS form 8300 for deposits over $10,000

Thank god someone in this country is will to ask the question “but how do white people feel right now?”

I don’t really understand the story here. She was the victim of check fraud, not rape.

I think deep down these racist shitheads are afraid that black and brown kids are smarter than them and will go much further in life than than they ever did. So they exert their little power as a way to try to stop that.

I still can’t get over Detective Dipshit “Well, it looks like a movie bomb to me.” Was it a Looney Tunes movie, sir? Is that where you’re getting your education from?

I find the unrelenting passage of time to be alarming as well so I’m going to have to side with the police on this one.

She’s a sheltie?

I was ambushed into my first real cooking job at White Wolf Lodge in Yosemite National Park when one of the cooks decided wandering off drunk into the forest was better than working.

Thank you. Methguistics is a lost art.

She can’t even see the wagon, anymore. The wagon has already cleared the mountain pass without her.

But it’s tzatziki! Anything soaked in tzatziki is automatically made better, even rapidly cooling, soggy fries.

Ok, so, hear me out on this. What if the city puts some hot NYC cops out there in shifts to raise money for the police force. That’ll give the lady tourists some eye candy and a piece of the picture-taking action. And instead of cracking down on the desnudas, they could like be nearby to serve and protect instead. WIN…

As long as you don’t plan on an open casket funeral. That cat will eat your face when you die.

Before or after the drug binge?

Whoa... the Uber drivers down under sound insane. You better run; you better take cover.

“We have a strict policy to deactivate any partner that exhibits aggressive or abusive behaviour