It took me a moment to realize that “don’t bring horses to the club” wasn’t a euphemism for anything.

I know right? Copper in the summer is so gauche

“old person’s mustard-yellow carpet from 1972 and you’re a hand puppet cat” - Actually, all of 1972 smelled like mustard yellow carpet and we were, indeed, all hand puppet cats. It was a different time.

Me too! I think she actually has a reasonable attitude toward wedding planning and I feel terrible when people jump up her ass for not having a Lentil Wedding in a burned out trailer wearing her pajamas.

Lauren, I hope you enjoy your wedding. Unfortunately, it seems like it will happen in a toxic hellscape with no commemorative leather doilies made from vintage buffalo hide, hardly any paint shavings from the walls of La Sagrada Familia decorating the aisle, and a dearth of trained Monarch butterflies to spell out…

Maybe if the skin had been creased using a bone folder it would be ok.

Yes, please tell is what a paper suite is. Please tell me it’s stationery and not some bizarre origami honeymoon.

it’s a necklace for your chair because life has lost all meaning

He’s also way old to be a PA. Maybe he was supplying the above the line talent with ... other services.

Woman, huh, Roy? Can’t live with them, can’t live without secretly filming, demeaning and abusing them....

Because he’s wealthy? Because fuck women?

No, you’re not the only one noticing the pre-existing wang in those shorts.

Also, hepingitis.

I think they’re going to be that particularly splendid breed of middle aged man who’re honestly offended by the fact that twenty year olds ‘suddenly’ aren’t all over them.

Total parenting fail. She didn’t explain why it’s not acceptable to ask people for things like that, either. Just that “no, you can’t have them”.

“I just get along with guys so much better. Girls don’t really like me. I like sports and anal. I’m a cool girl”.

From the Affleck nanny article:

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Who’s a curious little puppy? That’s right, you are!

How has that not been made into a rom-com yet??? Two middle-aged PR people, one about a decade younger than the other but both look fabulous all the time, have a tumultuous past for mundane reasons. Each PR person is representing a high-maintenance star that has publicity problems. Each PR person has a funny sidekick…

She’s only 18 years younger than him. I would have sworn he’s at least 46.