Hey, I think I found our starting lineup for next season

I don’t know how Sark doesn’t win this case: USC should have known something was wrong with him after he bought an Apple Watch

That is just ignorant, sir. Everyone knows they play for Baltimore.

Dean Blandino said:

Wrong. Because if there’s one thing Big Ben can do, it’s take no for an answer.

No means no Ben, you’re not playing.

This dude could keep this coffee cup full.

Dr. Robert Anderson:

You know they make these things called lasers, would take that tattoo right out.

This. Thank god my rebellious choices at that age were confined to smoking pot, wearing way to much eyeliner, and (mis)quoting Nietzsche at my mother when asked to go to church. Also hooking up in secret with one of my friends 21 year-old brother because he was super mature and like got me on a level no one else did…

well, teenagers tend to think they are smart and make great decisions.

Just came off of a month on Grand Jury. It made me seriously question whether reasonable, adult humans exist. I remember thinking if this is a jury of my peers, then we are FUCKED.

What do you do if your hosting and a friend is bringing an insufferable militant vegan?

Look at Woodstock. That Fuckin’ cannibal. He was a bird too, Woodstock! You could be next year’s feast. Show some goddamned respect!

This is how it's done. And Ralph? STFU - you are no longer relevant. YOUR former bid for attention put us smack dab IN this mess.

Nader can fuck right off. Part of the reason we got Bush in the White House was because of his dick waggling.

The colloquial name for that is “The Chuck Berry”.

dont forget seduced and schemed. oh, what Robert Graves did to Livia. one of the most important political figures of the Roman Empire, reduced to a crude plot device.

a trope as old as writing; blame the woman