“My boyfriend sucks at football”

“My girlfriend’s not funny”

The call came from inside the locker room!

Well Dan, you’ve played for the All Blacks, how would you like to come play for the All Whites?

I suppose they will have a flood of visitors for the first forty days and forty nights. Then it will kind of dry up.

The story isn’t that the guy is a captain, it’s that he’s on the active roster. Sad times for the Bills D.

HELLO FIEND

Unless Baby Hitler was on life support in a permanently vegetative state leading Ma and Pa Hitler to make the unimaginable decision to remove the feeding tube. In that case, Jeb! would totally be all “You can’t just kill Hitler like that. I’ll get my brother to convene Congress to save baby Hitler.”

You don’t see Jason Pierre-Paul making those kinds of plays very often. I mean, maybe half of the time at most.

It’s from poverbs.

Dear Entire Town of Dearborn, Kansas,

Who is Bobby McFerrin? Who is anyone, but yet another mouse fart in a hurricane? Other than, of course, John Kuhn, who is a GRITTY REAL MAN and not a GLORYBOY.

Life is a random accident, a series of random mutations to chemicals that resulted in a species capable - nay, determined - to wipe itself out in the name of convenience. The universe neither knows nor cares that we exist, and will have no memory of us when we are gone. All of our works shall be ground to dust and…

My favorite is when he throws it up and it comes down and it usually goes inside the basket hoop except when it doesn’t.

I totally agree. Believing that you can force a woman to carry within her own body a pregnancy that she does not want in order to further your own objectives does sound a lot like slavery to me.

Jackson and Lynch were racing down a straight public road when the accident happened

Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett agree: race was a factor in this accident.

A reporter was on scene right away. He asked Lynch if his Fred Jackson was ok. Lynch replied “I’m just here so I won’t get fined”

A quick drive that goes nowhere and ends in disaster? That sounds like the Seahawks offense to me.

This happened to the Patriots a couple times during the week before the Superbowl...also against the Seahawks.