It’s always a good sign when a couple starts off their marriage with an act of complete and total self-centered assholery.

Watching Deflategate coverage Version 2.0 is still better than having to watch the Pro Bowl, so lock it in NFL; you have something better to talk about football limbo weekend.

I don’t know, Barry. Pushing the Super Bowl back to accommodate the NFL’s biggest event would be incredibly controversial.

because Reductio ad Hitlerum?

Because Obama. DUH!

To be fair, if I said I’d love a Trump presidency because free hats and golf, I’d hope nobody took me seriously either.

I hate Tom Brady because he beat my team!

So he’d be OK with a “troubled man” following a little boy into the men’s room? The fuck???

Start with 5 sets of 30 second Polyp Pumps. Get your triglycerides nice and creamy. Three times a week you should be chasing cars through the neighborhood while wearing nothing but ankle weights. If you live in a rural area, just run through a meadow with your arms outstretched until you take flight. Fly for as long…

Meh, I pretty much assume that most white men in Kentucky worship figures in pointy white hats waaaay more the rest of us.

Before today, Calipari thought the Golden Rule was a required year of college basketball before the pros.

I’d put Kim Davis higher on this list. Ugh.

Shouldn’t hearing about someone’s winning/losing poker hand be on this list?

For an even greater (albeit more expensive) experience, I recommend going the AFF route. Tandem skydives are only cool if you’re a 90 year old former president; otherwise you look like a pair of dragonflies mating.

I thought he was a human muppet.

According to his Wikipedia page, he fancies himself to be a food connoisseur, then lists one of his favorite restaurants as PF Changs..

What the ever-living fuck? I cannot see how tampering with the kit would help the alleged victim, nor do I see how she could gain access to the kit. If someone inside the Police Department tampered with the kit to protect some golden-boy hockey player accused rapist that person should fucking fry.